I am so sorry. I have let you down. Its not something that I wanted to do, and not something that I was aware I was doing. But it happened and I have slipped. Healthy Mindset Healthy Body – Nope not here. That is not what I have been doing.
Not Being Healthy
I have let myself down.
Not sure how it happened or when. Or even why.
But I have forgotten about looking after myself. I forgot about getting out and about and exercise…..
Dreaming of a new body!
Why do I let myself down?
I am healthy with food – I eat mostly vegetarian dishes and have green smoothies for breakfast every morning. I love to be in a positive mindset about everything in life – yet when it comes to my body I forget everything I know and everything I have learnt.
Please don’t judge me by my writing – or my body! And for god sake don’t you dare feel sorry for me. This is not about what I should be doing or shouldn’t be doing – so please don’t preach to me. I do enough of that already!
Why Am I So Slack With My Own Health?
I know what I need to do – I need to walk more. Its something that I love to do – walk along the beach ALONE. I did it yesterday and I love it. Yet I don’t go out of my way to make more time for myself.
Maybe because its a Mum thing – I want time out. I want to be alone. But then I feel guilty for not being with my kids.
At the moment I am drowning. I am not healthy. Not within my mindset about who I am and what I am doing.
Hubby has even asked what’s wrong. What the hell – this is not about him. It’s not about us. It’s about who the hell I am and what I am not.
How can I still smile on the outside but cry on the inside?
I get like this every now and then. But it has been a long time since this has hit me this hard. If you were to know me from our other blogs you will not understand how I can be writing this.
That is why I am asking you not to judge me by my writing. I also hope that you don’t find this post!! That is not for the ones who know me well – because I don’t like to share this side of me.
But I am tired of hiding out.
Yep. I am tired of being “All Togther” all of the time. You see I am successful as a writer.
I get paid to write on other blogs.
I get paid to coach clients online.
I have all of the tools to break through with a positive mindset.
But this is not about what I know/don’t know.
This about feeling.
This about letting myself feel what I need to feel.
Feeling Peace Within
Maybe you shouldn’t be reading this.
Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this.
But I have to let this out. I need to write this for me to help within. I need to let it go.
Let it be what it is, and not let it be anything else.
So – NO I am not me at the moment, but then maybe I am me more then any other time?
I am not happy with the way my life is going. Am I doing anything to change? Yes and No. I am letting it work its way out of my system by doing what I need to do.
If I am shutting you out, I don’t mean to. If I am not giving at the moment, I am sorry. You see I am normally the person that gives – and shares. I always say yes to anything that is needed to be done (as long as I can find the time!!) But at the moment even my family is not getting all of me.
Hubby has asked me what we can do to work on our relationship to make it better.
Nothing. I have nothing to give right now.
Do women go through mid-life crisis? Is this what is happening? Gee someone tell me its not – but then someone tell me what is it? I don’t get it……
I feel like I have to give all of the time – and yet I am normally the one who loves to give. So it doesn’t make sense.
I am scared to even put this out there in case someone I know close to me reads it – which is so silly because this is my blog and I can write what I want. Well almost!
Hubby knows that there is something seriously wrong with us. With our family. With our marriage. But I don’t have anything that I can say to fix it, change it or make it right once more.
I just don’t have anything inside of me.
I am what I am. I know what I need to do.
Yet all I want is time.
Time to feel.
Time to be.
Time to let it all go.
Please forgive me but this is all I have at the moment – Time.
Healthy Mindset Healthy Body Not Me
Lisa (sorry can’t even sign off with cheers at the moment!)